8 weeks ago i started nursing school and i had never been to a hospital in scrubs before, never seen anyone older than me by more than maybe 10 years totally naked, and never knew so much detailed information about our bodies, and what we can do to them.
I’d also never committed to something so incredibly intense and done so consistently well at it. The book cramming, test taking, time managing part of it that is. I’m pretty sure I’ve gained like 15 pounds, and I haven’t made my own food in my own kitchen or even eaten at my house really for at least 6 weeks. But I got all A’s (well, one A- but I balanced it out with one A+). I also had a really freakin’ fantastic time doing it! Though you wouldn’t have been able to tell by what became my “after the big test” ritual, each time I managed to get through yet another barrage of exams unscathed.
Each Friday i would get on the train and about halfway home, just as the train came above ground in queens, i’d start to get really choked up. Usually I’d just barely make it in the door and up the stairs before I fell into a crumple of tears. And I’d sob and sob, for like 8 minutes. Then I’d be fine. My friend says it’s me getting all the energy and tension of it out of my body. She does it by laughing. I cry.
I had a real doozy this afternoon. This week I took 6 exams and last night I did what the kids called an “all nighter” with some serious sudden death studying. But this morning, or last night, or somewhere during this long today I couldn’t stop hysterically laughing about how nuts it was to be taking this many exams and not sleeping and trying to memorize like 109 drugs and 500 power point slides and then I gave them my final brain dump of information, got the grade i needed to keep myself in the all A’s category (which sadly I am a HUGE sucker for) and then came home and cried and cried and fell asleep. . . smiling. I’m having the best hardest craziest time of my life right now.
Tomorrow I’ll start my break from school, and I’ll travel and read and cook and go for walks and see movies. And when school starts again in September I’m going to go right back to doing this thing I love best. In fact, I think I’m going to lean into it.